bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
