i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
