OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
