She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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