I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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