Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
