I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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