My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
