I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
