there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
And then he peed in my hair
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