I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
