I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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