Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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