So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
