a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
