It's like God shit irony all over that family
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
