Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize