I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
