Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
