i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
