I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
