She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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