he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
