And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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