if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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