woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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