I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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