im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
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