Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
