I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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