what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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