shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
