I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Who died my cat blue again?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
