He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
