You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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