Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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