did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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