sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
