so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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