Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize