She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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