just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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