Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
