I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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