i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
