What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
