So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
