Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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