last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
