Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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