It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
