she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
