the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
