Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
