Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
