I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
