based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
