My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
