i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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