She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
