I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
