you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
