I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am spending my child support on dildos
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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