I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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