Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
