That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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