I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize