I'm lost and stupid without you.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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