i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the room spins SO much faster in panama
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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