apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
