I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
