you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
