In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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