im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
