i would punch a child for taco bell
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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