Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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