Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
