apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
