u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
