and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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