Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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