We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
