So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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