The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
