i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
